Moms are the unsung heroes of a child’s life. It can’t be said that our moms didn’t sacrifice a lot to bring us into this world and raise us well. They devoted their lives to raising little hellions rather than being hellions themselves, enjoying the free-wheeling, traveling, party animal lifestyle that so many of us are turning to these days. Many (not all, of course) forewent careers in order to stay home and ensure that we were raised by our own parents and not a nanny! She even went so far as to sacrifice their genitals’ structural integrity so that we might drop like the hottest mixtape of the year! They did a lot, gang.
1. When watching water boil gets too old, turkey spotting is a viable pastime!
2. Making sure that no matter what happens, nobody blames themselves!
3. Mom-vision: the ability to instantly foresee the most worrying possibility in any given situation and overreact to it!
4. The universal stay-at-home Mom’s official motto.
5. Y’all are lucky if you get this, my mom would just get to punching with no warning!
6. Putting up with their simple-minded husbands and their bumbling attempts to be adequate!
7. Loving your babies, no matter what “phase” they’re going through!
8. Leaving subtle hints…
9. Bonding with your kids over little errands!
10. Finding ways to communicate with your kids as they get older
11. Slowly but surely fostering the perfect Oedipus complex!
12. This kind of backwards thinking. Wouldn’t want people to talk!
13. Always pushing them to fight through the pain, even if it means causing some!
14. Getting drunk enough that sitting stationary FEELS like white-water rafting because you need to save for the kids’ education!
15. And of course, being the butt of almost every joke ever leveled at a young man!